I’m going to gazelle right on over the poetic introduction to my thoughts and simply cry “Eureka!” for I have discovered the answer to one of my troubling philosophical curiosities.  I have long been plagued by this haunting sensation that I am not as self-aware as I think I am.  But that led me to some serious delving into my mind because I feel fairly confidant and assured.  So what is missing?

And what was missing is my understanding!  We are who we want to be.  Actions of course play a major role in this, but who we pursue, what we are interested in, what personality traits appeal to us, that is us.  I am drawn to Grace Kelly’s quiet elegance, magnetized to Marilyn Monroe’s magnificent complexities, bewitched by Audrey Hepburn’s charm, jealous of Elizabeth Gilbert’s traveling gypsy persona, and the list goes on.  There are myriads of traits that I pursue and desire and that does not make me any less true to myself than if I generated that within me.  I am perfectly aware what comes naturally for me and what doesn’t.  Being oneself does not mean you halt progress for fear of becoming someone different.   I love confidence, elegance, classiness, charm, kindness, charisma, frankness, wit, and amiability.  Why, then, should I not pursue those qualities simply because who I am now might not encompass one or more of those traits perfectly?

This life is for exploration.  If you have always wanted to take a chance and be sociable, do it.  If you have wanted to see what a wallflower is like, do it.  Wanted to drop all responsibilities and leave for Italy?  You know where I stand on the subject.  Perhaps you have never molded your heart into a home.  Try it.  Why on Earth keep yourself limited to a small scale image of your identity when most likely you developed this in a time in your life when you were reading a magazine to tell you what to wear?  If you no longer care about whether or not you eat meat, or if one morning you have a strange, pulsing desire to run laps around a track, that is indeed who are.  For I would never have those urges.  And your eyes probably don’t tear up whenever you allow yourself to daydream about the glories and failures of being a Major League pitcher.  You are whoever you want to be.


About Kendal

Just a girl.
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1 Response to Eureka!

  1. Sangre Jaguar says:

    I must, once again, say that I absolutley love this post. Absolutely. Reading this, even though glaringly obvious, was very refreshing to me. This week, I have been faced with the sense that I only half-care about everything… I ‘should’ care about. These things that I ‘should’ care about being the things everyday people would say… you should care about.

    Half-caring is not the problem for me, it does not mean that I have no care for it. I do, and I would like to care completely but for one reason or another, I do not completely care. I realized… my half-caring is coming from a fear of success. I used to fear failure… and welcome success with arms wide open… I challenged the fear of failure by letting it go and I never imagined I’d fear success. There is greatness in each and every one of us… recently I have felt this greatness within me throbbing to get out and I have feared success.

    We can decide to avoid and ignore that which is glaringly obvious but in the end… we will be what we’re destined to be, we have to let go of the ‘normal’ and be what we want to be… be what we’ve aspired to be.

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