I want to take out a roll of papyrus or whatever those crazy old heralds used to use, stand on some kind of public stand, and read my official statement: I am not who I used to be and this is a good thing. I will also be accepting questions and comments after the reading. Why do so many people want to pause their lives? I understand wanting certain people to stay with you or for good things to happen, etc., but I am baffled by the sheer lack of acceptance when it comes to any sort of change. Sorry Brand New, but I really don’t want to stay 18 forever. (Or however the line goes). I would be brainless for the rest of my life. I would also have an affinity for Hairspray that would border on unhealthy and would be eating Reeses peanut butter cups until my pancreas goes medieval on all the surrounding organs and punches its way out of my body due to a sugar overload. I’d also still think that gypsy dresses were a vision of perfection and that manipulating people/places/things for my benefit was just as normal as working for it. I wouldn’t be very motivated to get to know my family and my main goal in life would be to find something to do on a Friday night.
I moved for a reason. It wasn’t out of hatred or an explosion of judgment on the people surrounding me; it was because I felt that for me I needed something different. I was passionate in so many ways, but there was this black hole inside me that grew to alarming proportions and I had to fill it up. And although I’m preaching to the choir here, I would like you to know that I did. That I’m complete. I was looking in the sand and I found what love really means, what friends ought to be, and what I should be waking up for in the morning. I didn’t know how my life would turn out and even if I’d been playing poker for half a century, I wouldn’t have guessed that some of my bets weren’t right, but that’s part of life. You figure out who is really by your side and who is slinking money out of your back pocket.
So. While it was all well and good when I was experiencing it, I beg this sweet, yet cruel world to please stop making so many of us changed women stand on a stool with our mistakes hanging around our necks for crimes we committed as girls.